Want to know what's going to happen on Gossip Girl tonight?

No Doubt will be playing Jenny's Sweet Sixteen at the Van der Woodsens'. Yes, there will be references to the MTV Show. ND will sing "Sixteen" and it will be really punk rock like when Jenny's guerilla fashion show was scored with that really heinous Ramones cover. (Sorry, Thurston Moore, iluvu4vrbb. The canker is actually even parts of that pearl woman and the fact that I don't like "Sheena is a punk rocker" to begin with). Then Gwen will publicly announce that she is a big fan of Jenny's work and refer to her own fashion design with L.A.M.B., and maybe even that she wants Jenny Humphrey on staff at L.A.M.B. enterprises. Because we are to believe Jenny is just that brilliant of a little seamstress, just like we have to take Veronica Mars' word for it that Blair got a perfect score on her SATs, and that Dan is a New Yorker-worthy storywriter and that Serena is ANTM and all of the other stuff they get away with presenting without evidence because GG is just such good TV. Then, if any tracks from their new album were out yet, they would dedicate their new single her, but they aren't, so they won't, because ND would never premiere their new music on Gossip Girl. Although, with TRL gone, what's a ska-pop supergroup to do? 

As for the plot, I am so confused lately. Blair and Chuck and Nate and Vanessa. If Blair breaks up Vanessa and Nate can they please send Vanessa back to Connecticut or wherever she was exiled in between Dan Humphrey days and independent film making? I guess according to this:

Blair and Nate are going to hurl Vanessa off into the nether corners of hell and on the way she'll fall through the clutches of Chuck Bass.

But who cares about any of them when this is happening:

6 miles on a few cheerios? Plz Bey.

From Vogue from Jezebel:

Beyoncé "got up at the crack of dawn" and "ate a tiny portion of Honey Nut Cheerios, ran six miles, and then worked out with her trainer, who had her in every imaginable kind of squat to get her ready to fit into her no doubt skintight Thierry Mugler-designed tour costumes." Next? A dance rehearsal, after which she barely had time to "scarf down several bites of a salad with jalapeños and avocado ('so that it tastes like something that's bad for you')" and then dance rehearsal again.

This is FUCKING CRAZY. A "tiny portion of honey nut cheerios" I could understand for it being the 'crack of dawn.' But not fully nourishing after the squats? That's beast behavior. A giant salad doesn't even have that much in it, why did it have to be "several bites of salad?" This article (or the taste we got of the one in Vogue on Jezebel) 'tastes like something that's bad for you.' It sounds like jack off material for anorexics.

I know that I eat like three pastries per day on average (because they come with practically every meal for an additional 50 centimes when they are environs 2 euro on their own) but this is in no way healthy. Hopefully she gets enough sleep. 

Another note...

My English is deteriorating. I can't get out all of the words fast enough. Spanish is almost more convenient at this point.

House

It seems to be quite exhausting - hypnotizing, even. When you sit down, like P. dared to do at Sala Stella last night, it will put you to sleep. Exhausting. 

When you get up to dance, though, as we did after our drunk disco napping session, you will dance. Dance hard. Dance rough. Dance for yourself. Dance till your exhausted.

Like the guy with the tattoos who moved like a sparrow hopping on the ground. Awkward with his long arms and bouncing back and forward on nimble feet. 

This is why I like house music.

Respuesta(s)

Chere Pur,

1 I have know idea what Africom is...

2 My view is that those kids are funny. Burry Burry funny. I wish I stole all of the Naan from the Cafe Spice part of Kimmel. And all of the chickpeas they have back there.

3. It is a man's world, sadly. I think women would probably do a better job of, ya know, running shit. I would like to be a man in a woman's world cause then I would have reason for my serious bitterness and false feelings of oppression.

4. I just don't.

5. Soda is fine. Pepsi is sweeter here. They don't give free refills though. So that sucks.

6. Is Benito El Roboto Max? I don't know what evil plans I have in store for him yet.

Besos,

Ian

Nourish Yourself in France with Secrets of Grandmother

H-a-

"---And before I could even FINISH typing 'harry potter,' it gave me Hannah Montana." 

Interview

Cher Enzito,

1. Africom: ever heard of it? Is Africom doing it's job?

2. What is your view of the vital chapter in the student protest movement that we missed at our reputable private university's home campus in New York? 

3. Is it a man's world? Do you like being a man in a man's world? Would you like to be a man in a woman's world?

4. Why don't you like coffee?

5. What is soda like in Spain?

6. Does Benito El Roboto know that you're going to overload his system with house music when you return to make your abode? Does he have defensive software? If not, would you be that evil?

Love,

Pur

Paris is full of mean old ladies

The 16e arrondissement, selon le vendeur des livres d'occasion près de chez-moi ailleurs, is totally nouveau-riche and bourgeois. No one lives there for a long time, I presume. They move there to send their kids to school, I presume. Except I think everyone who moved there 20+ years ago grew old and stayed there.

They told us before we got there that it would be 'the upper east side' of Paris, with very rich women walking poodles everywhere. We arrived in winter; the preconceived image was correct if you replace poodles with fur coats.

At a café one bitchy old lady with an underbite (she probably scowled her jaw away) came in and sat next to my table by herself, blocked from the waiter's view by a large potted plant. She looked around irritably when no one came to help her, as no one saw her. She got out a plastic packet of crackers that one might get with soup at 7-11, but French, and began snarfing away at them, her breath passing through the wafers' airy parts and making little mouth sounds, chewing and putting wrinkles in her wrinkles. Finally she sighed angrily, making more air-through-cracker noises and yelled, "GARCON!" and the full-grown man a generation her junior came to her service. She then bitchily demanded what types of wine they had, and squinted her eyes critically at the mention of each on the menu. Finally she settled on a white, then got a little finger sandwich, also in plastic wrap, out of her bag when he turned his back. She ate it while glancing disapprovingly around the near-empty café. As I was getting up to leave, she unashamedly blew her nose in a napkin at an unfavorable volume. Twice.

Theory

People in Spain have been in Spain for millenia. True.

These people have continually bred with the same people. Spanish and Spanish and Spanish.

Yeah.

This is why everyone in Spain looks inbred.

They are.

Brant Publications seeks mailroom clerks who will work for free

THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

This was posted on CareerNet, a service accessible to college students through their universities. 

Highlights:

1. ACADEMIC CREDIT???
2. Your schedule better be flexible.
3. ANY COMPANY.
4. How random their requirements are. (What makes a liberal arts background more suitable for mailroom work?).

But when you can't afford to pay your mailroom staff, how would you find time to translate the fact that there are no requirements into an attractive line of bait for unpaid labor?

FULL TEXT:

Expiration Date:	May 1, 2009
ID:	764004
Employer:	Brant Publications
Division:	N/A
Title:	Mailroom Intern
Organization Description :	Magazine Publisher
Description:	Interns will become familiar with the full scale of operations in a heavy volume mail room. They will assist with shipping, receiving, packaging, courier and messenger services, and the ordering and distributing of office supplies for all three of the Company’s publications. This internship allows applicants to gain exposure to an essential service of any company.
Qualification:	EDUCATIONAL REQUIREMENTS: LIBERAL ARTS BACKGROUND PREFERRED. This internship may qualify for academic credit. Please check with your school. SALARY: THIS IS A NON PAYING INTERNSHIP. We offer a stipend covering the cost of traveling to and from our offices by subway. HOURS: YOU MUST BE AVAILABLE 2-3 DAYS A WEEK. We are aware of educational demands and remain receptive and flexible when working out schedules.

At least they'll pay for your metro card.