i don't even know what to say about music anymore

(Not a diss)

I am the baby: a comprehensive list of my childhood television counterparts

As I predicted on this blog, after a two-and-a-half hour bus ride yesterday with no bathroom breaks (it is impossible to stand still long enough on that tumultuous drive to squat over that nasty ass toilet sloshing with blue disinfectant at its depths and actually pee into it), I HAVE A U.T.I. Shit. 'Hahaha,' I said before. Who's laughing now? Not me--it hurts too much.

So, in bed snuggling up with my quilt with the air conditioner turned off even though it's 87 degrees out because I have to stave off the chills, I stumbled across this clip of the 1990s television series, Dinosaurs. Marveling at what a masterpiece the show was, I realized how much its star, Baby Sinclair, influenced my personality as a child, which got me thinking about all the other fundamental building blocks of my identity contained in adolescent television programming.

1. Baby Sinclair



The stills from this episode are golden. Baby Sinclair is me as a baby, and yet simultaneously, is my grandmother at her present age incarnate. In the video below, the "GET OUTTA HEYAH" completely captures my grandma's snappy Italian attitude. For further reference, as they both age, my grandmother and Joe Pesci grow more and more alike and will soon converge into one wrinkly, permed, yippy Italian persona.
Sinclair loved to pester people, as I still do. He could have said "daddy" but he repeatedly screamed "not the mamma," to subjugate Earl Sinclair.

Also of note is Sinclair's chemical dependence on sugar, a struggle still relevant to my daily life which I try to make cute. Kind of like this next one's obsession with cookies...

2. Angelica Pickles

Angelica was an only child, which means she was the youngest and oldest at the same time. As the youngest, I never had only-child syndrome, but you could say I also fulfilled that simultaneous youngest-oldest thing because everyone was always telling me I was precocious and beyond my years but I hardly think that demonstrates the responsibility eldest kids inherit. Either way, I could always relate to Angelica's unique role in her family/the notion that it should be protected by preventing any 'additions to the family.' In other words, "I'm the baby" has to be enforced. I liked being the youngest, didn't want a little brother or sister, and wouldn't take any crap about it. Above all, Angelica hated babies, and so did I. When I was little I used to think that my 'real parents' were a king and queen and I was a princess, and Angelica thought this too in one episode. (Then the TV Repairman who operates under a 'home appliance king' gimmick comes and she thinks it's her real daddy coming to retrieve his daughter; it's not all it's cracked up to be and she realizes that she has to come home). I wouldn't say that I made up this fantasy because I saw Angelica do it, but probably from watching so many Disney movies, which likely influenced Angelica, or the writers of Rugrats, as well. I understood early on that Angelica had incredible depth as a character despite all of her textbook flaws that would make her a two-dimensional villain in a normal adolescent cartoon context. But Rugrats was extraordinary enough to captivate me well into prepubescence. Also, like Baby Sinclair, Angelica had an uncanny penchant for cookies, which was hilarious, and I learned a lot of my food humor from watching her maniacally gobble down sweets. She also seemed to have professionalized being a child. My dad is a lawyer and I loved Liar Liar growing up, so the episode where she sues her parents was such a fantasy for me. I always had my stuffed animals and beanie babies sue each other before a jury of toys lined up on an American Girl writing desk bench. I could go on forever about Angelica's power over my personality.


3. The Muppet Babies
When I was three I went to get my IQ test. I had been spending most of my time in my grandparents' rec room watching Muppet Babies on Nickelodeon and they made references to and parodies of Raiders of the Lost Arc, it seemed like, all the time. But when the psychologist showed me an ink blot that looked like a pyramid, I could not remember the word 'pyramid' and told him, "You know, it's one of those ancient temples where they have tombs and mummies." After the test I heard him repeating the phrase "ancient temples" to my mother and I was sure that I had gotten that question terribly wrong, but then they said that I was a genius or something and got to start school early. Thanks, Muppet Babies. You narrated most of my imagined adventures, seconded only to Power Rangers. (I GET TO BE THE PINK RANGER OR ELSE--Okay fine. In the dining room, you're the pink ranger and I'm the yellow ranger. But in the kitchen, I'm the pink ranger and you're the yellow ranger. Fine.).


4. Mr. Anthony DeMartino

Mr. DeMartino taught me that being angry can be funny, particularly when accompanied ridiculous and exaggerated facial expressions. He was constantly frustrated with the intellectual inferiority and lack of enthusiasm of his class, and even when relieved or impressed with Daria's participation and ease with the material, he still seemed pissed at her.

p.s. this was completed long after healing from my bladder infection, but completed quite poorly.

news roundup

Listening to the Smiths and reading the NYT.

Nigerian Death Toll Rises to 700
The violent Boko Haram Islamic sect attacked police stations and government buildings last week, killing 700 people in Maiduguri. More than 50 Muslim leaders repeatedly warned the Nigerian authorities before the attacks and urged them to take preemtive action, but nothing was done.

"On July 26, militants from the sect attacked a police station in Bauchi State, inciting a wave of militant violence that spread to three other northern states.The Nigerian authorities retaliated five days later by storming the group’s sprawling Maiduguri headquarters, killing at least 100 people in the attack, half of them inside the sect’s mosque."

Malaysia Cracks Down on Protests
In reversion of Malaysian prime minister Najib Razak's vow to quell government repression, police broke up protesters in Kuala Lumpur yesterday, launching tear gas shells on parts of the crowd. 600 of the 20,000 demonstrators were arrested. Despite the PM's apparently progressive actions in the his four months in office, due to incidents like this, the ethics of the governing party and police force are still in question.

"Opposition parties, which organized the rally, were calling for the repeal of a law that allows the government to jail its critics indefinitely without charge. The opposition is also pressing the government to expand an inquiry into the recent death under mysterious circumstances of a political aide after a late-night interrogation by anti-corruption officials. ...
... 'We can provide them stadiums where they can shout themselves hoarse till dawn, but don’t cause disturbance in the streets,' Mr. Najib said Sunday, according to the Malaysian news media."

Homeless in Poland, Men Dream of Odyssey
Oh my god, this is so endearing. "Two dozen homeless men are building a ship to sail themselves around the world and prove that they have some value to society," with Homer's Odysseus as their role model. Literary references abound.

" ...their story strikes deeper chords because, for all the modern tools in the building and corporate sponsors providing the raw materials, their endeavor echoes mythic themes of escape, adventure and redemption that can seem out of reach in a world of biometric identity cards and debt-collection agencies.
...But their odds of success grew slightly longer when the unique and seemingly inexhaustible Boguslaw Paleczny — a Roman Catholic priest and a touring musician who appointed himself as the foreman of the project — died of a heart attack in June at the age of 50. The men say that his death has stiffened their resolve and that their tale will end up more Capra than Quixote with these forgotten members of Polish society circumnavigating the globe."